Acceptance and beyond (part 2)

In my last blog post, I wrote about how I had decided to become conscious of and eliminate judgmental thinking.  I shared about the peace of mind that resulted. 

Acceptance and relationships

I didn't say how this affected my relationships with others.  What happened was that harmony ensued, more than I had ever experienced before.  As I let go of thinking that anyone was "supposed to be" different from how they are, others noticed the shifts in my thinking and responded to them.  I was no longer "better than" or "less than" but more human, more heart-centered and less in my head.  

Before I tried this, even if I didn't share my thoughts or judgments with others they responded to me as though I had.  Eliminating judgmental thinking allowed me to have relationships with others that are much more fun, since we can now play instead of arguing about the "right" or "wrong" way to do something.  I also feel less lonely since I no longer distance myself from  people I had previously judged as "crazy" or "dangerous".  I began to have a community of my peers, give as well as receive support from others, and experience love and partnership because I didn't feel responsible for trying to change others.  I set myself free and I said to myself "Atlas, you can put the world down now!"    

I digress.  Yet didn't want to miss the chance to acknowledge and celebrate how eliminating judgmental thinking shifted my relationships with others.  Now, on to the missing piece from the last blog...  

The Missing piece-trust and faith

Before I could celebrate having a flat tire, rather than bemoan it, I needed to know that the flat tire was serving some purpose in my life.  That it was a gift.  That there was some meaning to it having happened.  Eliminating the judgment was the first step in shifting my experience.  Yet I also needed to have trust and faith that there is a bigger picture that is happening, that this bigger plan is orchestrated by a loving power, that I am part of that loving power, and that it wants me to be happy.  I needed to surrender to the flow of my life and believe that even a flat tire is serving some purpose.  Perhaps it is protecting me from experiencing an auto accident or traffic jam?  Or perhaps it is providing me with an opportunity to make a contribution to the flow of someone else's life?  

Who or what is in charge?

I don't believe that I'm a puppet on a string and some force outside myself is making things happen in my life, to me.  I believe that my life is a co-creation with a powerful loving force and that together we manifest things in the material realm.  I believe that bringing the spiritual into the physical is the goal of this partnership with The Source.  It needs my hands to make things happen on Earth and it communicates what it wants me to do through inspiration.

Real world experience

Not long after I made the decision to celebrate everything, including flat tires, I had a flat tire experience.  I pulled over to the side of the road and got out of my car.  It was threatening rain and before I could even see if a flat tire was what had been causing the unusual noise I had heard, a car pulled up behind me.  Two men in their 20's jumped out of their car and asked me if I needed a hand.  I was back on the road within minutes, just as the first raindrops fell on the windshield, having met two new friends, and shouting "Thank You God!"  This was more fun than my prior experience of having a flat tire where I cried and waited over-an-hour for AAA to arrive and change it! 

Can you see The Source's presence in this flower?

So changing my attitude and accepting what is happening in each moment, rather than wishing it was different from what it is, has definitely brought more peace into my life.  

What has been your experience with accepting and/or trying to change life's unexpected happenings?  Please share your comments below...

Acceptance and beyond (part 1)

Water flows to the sea.  Attempting to stop it is futile and creates unhappiness

Acceptance. Ah, just the word allows me to breathe easier. It creates peace and freedom inside my body. This peace and freedom create spaciousness in my mind and comes from not wanting things to be different from how they are. It comes from the mind slowing down the "if only's". The "if only's" are those thoughts that start out "if only…" (fill in the dots with something you wish were different). For example, if only my cat would sit in my lap, rather than climbing on my shoulders, if only my rent was $200 less each month, If only the democrats (or republicans) were in control of the Senate, if only I were 20 pounds lighter (or heavier), and on and on and on. The list never stops. We can either accept things or try to change them. Our choice determines how much peace we experience.

What can we change, really?

The only thing we really have control over, or can change, is our own attitude. Attempting to change anything else or anyone else, is going to rob us of peace and freedom. Trying to change others will likely lead to resentments and power struggles which will definitely take away our peace.

If we try to change things we could be in for a battle. If we accept things as they are, there is nothing to battle, nothing to fight, no struggle. There is peace, inside our heads and our bodies as well as in our relationships with self and others.

Except when our values need to be fought for…

There are times when choosing to do battle with/for something will create more internal peace than accepting it for how it is. Fighting injustices, for example, may allow us to experience more peace because we are aligned with our values but that is a subject for another blog post.

Beyond acceptance...

Years ago, I made a decision that I wanted to be able to not just accept but to celebrate things I had thought were unacceptable. I decided that I wanted to live my life celebrating the unexpected and the "undesirable". Specifically, I wanted to see if I could have a flat tire and shout "yes!" in acceptance and celebration of the experience. My decision was to not spend my time or energy lamenting what was and instead accept what is. The goal was to trust and celebrate what was happening, rather than try to change it. It was a grand experiment to see if acceptance would increase my peace and happiness. I believed if I could do accept and celebrate the things I had avoided or feared, I could create peace in my life on a moment-by-moment basis.

I knew when I made this decision that it would be a challenge. My thinking had been programmed in terms of "good" and "bad" and this way of thinking was a deeply ingrained habit that I knew would not be easy to break. I had been socially conditioned to want more "good" and to avoid "bad". Yet, I knew that if I could become conscious of these unconscious habits of judging everything into "good" or "bad" I would experience the peace I longed for which would make it worth the effort.

Breaking the judgement habit

I eliminated the "black and white" thinking from my thoughts and my speech by learning Nonviolent Communication (NVC), also known as the "Language of Compassion". It took me several years to break the habit of judging each thing that happened in my life as either "good" or "bad" but the peace of mind was so exhilarating I wanted to share NVC with everyone I met.

Yet there was still something missing-I was still not celebrating those flat tires! More about the missing piece in my next blog.

For today, please share how judgments affect your attitude. Also, have you made friends with your judgments-if so, does that shift your experience and if yes, how so?